We tell our girls that boys are only after one thing. If the girl really wants the boy and doesn't want someone else to have him, what do you think she is going to do?
Tell your daughter the truth. Sure, it is true that boys want sex. That's good. It'll come in handy one day! But the day of telling your daughter to keep her legs closed and her dress down is over.
Wake up! Your teenage daughter is interested in sex. She should be. Instead of leaving it up to her momma or the media to educate her, you need to educate her. And I don't mean scaring her with statistics. Scare tactics seldom last. She needs help navigating the sexual images and suggestive language that affect her self image.
It is natural for boys to want to be sexual and it is natural for girls to want to be touched intimately. Young girls need to know that their sensitivity to touch, words and feelings is not bad. Further, it increases significantly as she goes through puberty. God took great pleasure in wiring her in this way.
Daddy, try to see things through your daughters' eyes. She wants to be attractive. She wants to be noticed. She wants to be desirable and sexy. It's natural and very very beautiful. What she needs to know is that she is all those things.
You have to embrace her budding womanhood. Your energy has to be affirming. Let her tell you about the boy she likes. Don't freak out. Instead of sending her away or engaging behaviors that separate, you should draw close. After a blow up, seek to join with her on a feeling level. Don't try to fix her. Simply, reassure her that you care and that you value her.
Most fathers are so scared that coming into womanhood makes their daughters vulnerable to exploitation that they unconsciously push their daughters away. Instead of facing their own fears, they criticize her. Educating your daughter means being present and approachable. This shows her that she matters. This makes her more receptive as you share vital information that will build confidence as she transitions into womanhood.
Take the issue of clothes. Teenage girls are drawn to clothing that shows quite a bit of skin because of the media. Your disapproval is interpreted as rejection and evidence that she is inadequate. A more honoring approach is to commend her on attractive yet more modest clothing. Let her know that she brings attractiveness to the clothes not the other way around.
Discipline and rules are necessary. However, let them be without harshness. Fussing at her assaults her self esteem and only increases her likelihood of rebelling or being victimized. But if you win her trust and KEEP her trust, what you say will have first place in her heart. It's from this position in her life that you tell her about men. Teach her the difference between love and lust.
Many dads I've talked with believe that their teenage daughter needs her mother more than her father. Quite the contrary, the father's involvement in his daughter's life is critical. It is the father who affirms the daughter's attractiveness and desirability. Mother models how a woman expresses her femininity in the things that she does. In short, mom teaches a daughter how to be a woman, but dad teaches a daughter how to feel like a woman.
I am not suggesting that fathers be sexual with their daughters. Oh no! Rather, I am suggesting that fathers take the time to understand their daughters. Daughters have to FEEL they are okay. Take the time to learn her and adjust your fatherly interaction to support her.
Understand that many young ladies succumb to sex not because they are hot to trot, but because they are vulnerable and long for validation. It may not seem like it, but honestly, it's your approval that they really need. Yes, that young boy may whisper in her ear. You can't stop that. But you can let your presence so fill her mind that she'll stop him.
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